Four Reflections On Parenting

The role of parenting in modern times has become a science unto itself involving religions, psychology, educational standards and child protection laws. The reflections below entertain clarity from coaching sessions with parents and teenagers into individual convictions and constitutions about parenting.

1. CHILDREN ARE NOT ADULTS
You were once a child, but a child is not an adult. Find time to be a child with your child to become part of their world. Children need affirmations and hugs of love every day and not just when you are in the mood to show them affection. Take time to involve your child in wholesome activities and to view wholesome content with them. You might be surprised at what your child will teach you.

Once your child becomes a teenager, their teenage friends will become an important part of their lives. What you will have instilled in your child during your child’s early years will become of value to them as a teenager in picking their teenage friends.

2. CHILDREN, MANNERS AND RESPECT
Teaching your child everyday manners and respect for others begins at home. If your child is allowed to do and say anything at home without regard for you as a parent, you cannot expect your child to respect others beyond the home. As your child becomes older, your child will be faced with giving and receiving respect from others in the classroom at school, in the community and ultimately in society-at-large.

3. PHYSICAL, MENTAL AND SPIRITUAL STRENGTH
Learning begins in the womb. The instinct or ego of a child knows to eat at birth for survival. Sounds and visual images are soon recognized. It is disappointing to observe a child mimic adult behavior, dance and recite entire lyrics of adult rated songs and yet not be able to recite the alphabet or answer basic math facts. Foster reading and wholesome educational activities with your child according to your child’s cognitive talents and learning abilities as early in their childhood as possible. Carve out time to dine together as a family. Teach and involve your child in hobbies, music, the arts, sports activities, finance and spiritual activities according to your beliefs, values and faith.

Once your child reaches school age, consider helping your child with homework assignments. This is not to suggest you do your child’s homework for them, but to provide encouragement for your child to habitually complete homework assignments with confidence. Avoid ordering your child to “Go somewhere, sit down and do your homework” without parental support.

Partner with your child’s teachers. If you do not understand your child’s homework assignments, your child may also question their need to understand it. Do not be ashamed to ask teachers about homework you do not understand. See your child’s homework as a learning opportunity to learn with your child and to keep abreast of evolving areas of classroom study. Arrange with teachers to receive your child’s homework assignments in advance. Volunteer your time in your child’s classroom and with school activities when feasible.

4. DISCIPLINE vs. PUNISHMENT
The verb discipline is a derivative of the noun disciple. To discipline is often confused with the act of punishing. A disciple in one sense is a pupil or follower of Christ. The account of Jesus’s life depicts him as instructing with love and by example. Punishment involves inflicting pain to correct an undesirable behavior. Pain is also suffering a consequence of an undesirable action. Pain is not always physical but can be internal unsettling mental anguish or debilitating distress.

Many of us have been reared under the proverbial adage, “spare the rod and spoil the child” citing Proverbs 13:24, 23:13-14 and 29:15. However, adherents of the adage often forget to take into consideration Ephesians 6:4 which admonishes fathers not to provoke their children to anger.

Subjectively, parents and caregivers use both discipline and punishment in rearing children. In either instance, discipline or punishment should always be accomplished with love, guidance and kindness to enlighten a lesson. A child should never be physically or mentally abused. Listen to your child’s concerns and explanations when sincere (not rationalized) and discipline and reprove gently. Lovingly discipline and reprove your child in your child’s tender years to avoid your child becoming hardened by the consequences of being punished by callus enforcement officials and societal penal systems in later years.

Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931) in The Prophet wrote:

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

May your children grow and prosper to find their mark and purpose in the world tomorrow guided by the parenting and examples you set for your children as parents today.

© 2012, H. James Williams. All rights reserved.